A New Shithead

I love shithead! For everyone who knows him, I've found a new one. Hehe.

Imagine finding another one? Another reason to come to work? Amazing! Hehe.

It started as a crush but after someone showed me his pics, it was never the same. She in effect sealed his fate as my shithead!

On top of that, I love chocolates! You can ask my Penny Pooh, Hanne Pooh and Tinay. They'll testify that I'm a chocolate addict and they will cite Penny's gift for me on Christmas and last new year's eve's half pound Cadbury as an example. That giant of a Toblerone and Cadbury didn't last me a week. Hehe

And now, I found a new sense of appreciation for M&Ms! :P

This makes me wonder though how much trouble can I get because of this new shithead... Hopefully not too much! I have enough of that from my friends and their experiences. :)

Not Meant To Be

In an interview, where I know my weaknesses can be used to discomfort me or can be used as a mark against me, I knew that those weaknesses can also be my greatest argument to prove I'm the best person for the job. Or at least that I should be one of the people to be considered. I don't know if it got me the job but it gave me a shot to showcase something else I'm really good at - Playacting!!! Haha. Oh and I got one of the post opening and was one the earliest to be pulled out to start on the post. It may not have worked as expected but it worked in getting me a shot!

Out of town and in a game of Chance and Consequences, we were to pick a card from a faced down deck and the one with the lowest will have to go thru the agreed consequence. Several show of hands after and several consequences and I'm still consequence-free. I just look at the deck and look at the back of these cards, I pick the card that gives me the best vibe or a so-so vibe and the night was set for me. It didn't fail me once that night!

In a cab, on my way to work, the dilemma usually is to either give the direction to the driver or not to. That day, I had a feeling that making that turn is a good idea but I didn't ask the driver to make the turn. So driver didn't make a turn, we ended up going thru a semi-closed road due to a basketball court repainting job going on where we needed some maneuvering to make it out.

And what does that tell me??? The first two argues go with your intuition and the last convinces me! The problem with this though is that following your intuition is not like a multiple choice test where you can clearly see your choices. Sometimes the choices are not apparent and you have to do some hard thinking and if logic or reasoning is not one of your greatest strengths, following intuition is like stalking a cute stranger -- chancy at best!

So it becomes not whether which of the choices you should pick but more like are these all the choices we have or we just freaking blind? Blinded by what only those in the outside can tell!!! All I know is that when something's done and over with, all that's left for us to do is deal.

If there's too many things going on to prevent you from going through with something or getting it on with someone, it's either it's a call for you to try harder or it's not really meant to be. It's up to you! Whatever makes you or help you survive the aftermath.

Boring Weekend

What has happened to me??? It's been two weekends already and all I have done in that past 2 weekends is sleep! But I must say after these weekends, I got over my emotional self for the time being. I'm just a little concerned that I haven't been going out a lot. Why work hard to get weekends OFF if I'm just going to wile it away snoozing my ass off, right?

All I know is that all the plans I made for the past weekends stayed as... plans. Great plans but the moment I rest my head on my pillow for a quick nap, I end up sleeping. The sandman seems to leave me very little in the ways of will, enough only to inform people that I'm taking a rain check on our date. For my friend who knows a different kind of sandman, I'm not talking about that kind of sandman!

Was it a boring weekend? Or it's just me? Have I become a Bore? Or have I always been one and I just had a lot of cover ups to hide this fact? Whatever the answer, I guess, I should be thankful that I've atleast gotten a lot of snooze time! :)

Sky

Every sunday afternoon, as I attend Mass in the local church, I usually like to time my arrival to the very last minute. This would make sure that all the seats would be taken and we would have to listen to the sermon from outside of the church. Not that I never liked the sermons because some of them really have something interesting to say if you can believe that. It was because I liked looking at the horizon. When attending mass is not enough to help calm my mind, looking at that horizon usually does the job. One day my sister asked me what I was looking at, and I said, "Nothing."

Thinking on this, I wondered why I said it was nothing when the mere sight of it calms me down like no one could. The sky was not simply an explosion of colors but an arrangement of colors, random yet it simply feels right the way it is in its randomness. Looking at it hard enough, you can see the clouds moving ever so slowly and even feel the earth doing its slow rotation. The science behind it seems to not matter at all even though lessons from it was a vague echo from last week's lessons. But all lessons and the other clutter inside me is silenced. All there was to me was the sky and the escape it provides me even if only for a while. But why then did I say it was nothing.

I miss that piece of sky but mustering the strength to go back escapes me. It may not even be there anymore. But maybe next time, someone will ask me again and be able to say, "I'm looking at the sky."

How do you help?

Here I am, sleepy and tired but still the inclination to sleep eludes me. And after talking to a friend and being reminded that I haven't been updating my blog lately, I start to think "What'da??? Yoko eh." Hehe

But after some thought and chatting with the Elder Wand, I started going thru my YM contacts and I noticed that my friend hasn't added me yet to her YM. The only means that I have of contacting her is thru text and we only do that once in a while because of the conflict of scheds. Last time, we were talking, she was really down and depressed because of her ex. But here's the catch, she's claiming she's over the ex and I don't really think so.

She says she's trying to be happy by her single self, upon my advice, and she says she is but still an emptiness is there that she feels every so often. I advised her to distract herself with friends to help her get over the hurt of that failed relationship and a more dismal end to that relationship. Dismal, you ask? The Ex didn't break it off officially.

No words of "It's over!". Just the usual "I'm not sure..." then pics of the new beau starts appearing everywhere. She says she's ok but she can't stand to look at their pictures for very long. She needs to turn away because it is burned behind her eyes what she's seeing and looking at it longer make it hurt even more. She says she feel so empty and I say because you have not moved on. But how can you help someone who thinks she already has despite all of this. How can you help anyway? Isn't this type of healing self-paced?

How do you help someone who needs to help herself but could not? How do you give strength when the strength needed must come from within? I can only comfort from afar and give her strength thru thought and fervent wishes. I'm afraid to pray for to pray for this to pass means to acknowledge how bad it really is. I'm afraid because prayer are not always answered the way we we wish it to be answered.

The Weekends

It rained hard and then it rained harder! Confined to my domicile for the entire weekend, after finishing with randommovie marathon, I wonder, where has all the exercise gone to? So this Sunday, as part of my exercise for the week, I summoned enough strength to go to he mall and well, do something, somewhere else. Alas, doing something else meant, doing nothing in particular!

After realizing maybe going to the mall wasn't such a good idea, I was stuck! So I scheduled haircut for 6:30 then headed to nowhere. I wondered what did I do before for those other weekends? I realized, I spent money and spent it with Friends. Crazy expensive but fun. I realized, the weekends was either fun expensive or cheap boring. Is there an alternative? Maybe there is but I have yet to find it.

Oh well, I might as well head to nowhere or do nothing again for a while.

Not Getting It

You say you're not taking side but how can that be? You've taken such great care with explaining to us how you understand where they're coming from but do you even understand where we're coming from? You're not getting it and I accept that. Just don't expect me to get it, to get you (all of you guys).

This all started, I guess, when I was deciding whether an apology is worth saying if you don't mean it at all. And can you actually mean it if you don't really understand the reason why they think you owe them one? Empathy really is a bitch when you don't understand.

So, not getting it is okay. No apologies and no expectation. I don't expect the entire world to get it and don't expect me to get it. At all. :)